[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: It's gonna be a good day. Welcome to Lead with heart on Now Media TV. I am your host, Dr. Jesse Hansen. I am here at the spectacular Hotel 360 in Ojochao, Costa Rica. So let's go check it out. Some of the most unique architecture you're going to see. This is where the rains drip down and create a nice atmosphere. So, like, work with nature.
[00:00:20] Speaker C: Boutique hotel where we got 12 rooms private, so we can connect to the mountain and the beach at the same time. As you can see, we got an amazing view from here.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Come on, we're gonna ch of these spectacular rooms.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: Incredible.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: The bed is super nice.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: However, I am called right away to check out out here.
Absolutely incredible nature, peaceful, quiet, quiet.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: It's called Hotel360 because of the amazing panoramic view, which.
[00:00:48] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
[00:00:49] Speaker C: So why don't you go over here where you can look at it? A little bit of the view.
[00:00:52] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:00:53] Speaker C: So we got Canyo island deeper over here and Corco. Those are two national parks when you can find a lot of different animals.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: And yeah, this pool is just spectacular.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: It goes all the way around.
[00:01:04] Speaker C: That's the restaurant. We got the bar here. We got our waitress Sophia over there.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: Hola.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: Well, thank you so much, Steven. Awesome tour. Thanks for letting us be here today. So this is the tour of Hotel360. And I chose to shoot here today not because just it is so beautiful and obviously that's beautiful to share that and look at the amazing nature of Costa Rica. As a psychologist and a retreat facilitator,
[00:01:25] Speaker A: I know that the set and setting
[00:01:27] Speaker B: matter, this open ambiance, this beautiful nature,
[00:01:30] Speaker A: this setting, this space is going to
[00:01:32] Speaker B: help them open up even deeper and find even deeper parts of their authenticity. So we can all keep leading with Heart. So stay tuned for more here on Now Media TV with Lead with Heart. I'm Dr. Jesse Hansen.
[00:01:43] Speaker A: Pura Vida.
[00:02:00] Speaker E: Welcome to Lead with heart. I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson. And today we explore the essence of leadership beyond strategy and status. You're watching NOW Media Television.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to Lead with Heart. The show where strategy meets soul. Where we dive deeper into the authentic, vulnerable stories of the humans that run incredible businesses.
Joining me today is Danielle Pare, founder and somatic practitioner of a somatic experience, a somatic therapy and movement studio in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Danielle creates senses as a sanctuary for trauma healing, recovery and emotional well being. A space where the body is honored as a source of wisdom and restoration. So, Danielle, welcome to Lead with Heart. Thank you so much. For being here.
[00:02:51] Speaker D: Thank you so much. Jesse. Just hearing you say that just put the biggest smile on my face, so just kind of pinged me in the heart, too. So thank you.
[00:02:58] Speaker A: What? Yeah, what? Say more. What. What makes you smile at that?
[00:03:02] Speaker D: Just hearing you share what it is that we're creating at Census, all the
[00:03:07] Speaker A: hard work is paying off.
[00:03:09] Speaker D: It's been a long time coming, so it's just a full circle moment with you as a teacher here in Costa Rica, the mission and the vision behind it. So it's just.
Yeah, it just hit me in the heart. So thank you.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Well, that is what we're here for, to be touched in the heart. And as you know, the show is about leading with heart, leading with authenticity and vulnerability. And so you've been working very hard at your own personal journey of awakening, and you've been working hard now at redefining yourself as a professional.
And what I want to do in this first segment is help our viewers get to know the humanness of you. And as much as you're comfortable sharing, you know, your past and where you've come from and, you know, if you're open to childhood elements, whatever things, you know, that this is what has helped transform you and helped you be so driven to create senses and all the other things that are coming.
Yeah. At your. At your leisure. What. What comes to you as you think about what shapes me?
[00:04:09] Speaker D: I mean, where do I start, Jesse? Right.
Where do I start? I.
You know, if I go back to my childhood, I just want to preface this by saying that I have a beautiful relationship with my family today.
A really beautiful relationship with my. My father, with my mom, my siblings. So everything I share is, of course, things that happen when we were much younger. So I just kind of want to preface that and respect. Yeah.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: There's no perfect childhood, and there's no shaming or blaming. It's simply just recognizing this is the stuff that we all have. Something that impacts who you are now.
[00:04:45] Speaker D: Yeah. And what is. And what did happen. Right. But so if we go back to, you know, where I grew up, so I'm from Montreal, Canada, originally, and we're a family of three. So I'm the eldest of three kids.
And back then, my parents were very young, you know, and you can imagine with three little ones trying to make ends meet, financial strain and then alcoholism coming into the picture as well on my dad's side really destroyed the. The family unit, unfortunately.
And my dad took off when I was 15, and I was very close to my father, so that was Kind of the first experience that I had with abandonment at a very young age.
And I still love my father to this day. He was just with me in Cabo for three weeks. So we had a beautiful time. But back then, yeah, but back then, yeah, he left, and it was really challenging.
My mom was basically left as a single mom trying to raise three kids with absolutely, I mean, nothing financially. And my dad was on his journey. Right. He had to figure out what was going on and heal his alcoholism at the time.
So being the eldest of three kids, I had to do what I had
[00:06:00] Speaker A: to do and to grow up fast.
[00:06:01] Speaker D: Very much.
Very much.
My mom thought I was going to school when I was 17 years old, but I would leave at 7 in the morning to go to work because I needed to provide for myself. There was no other way.
So that kind of started my journey with the survival strategies that I've been holding, you know, my entire life, which I've been working on over the last, you know, 13 years. But anyways, from there, just different things kind of came up. I don't know if you have any questions on that, Jesse.
[00:06:30] Speaker A: Just some more, like, insights to pull out, you know, just to acknowledge for any. Any person that has that kind of abandonment piece, as well as kind of being forced to grow up quickly and just. Yeah. Already getting a sense of, like, their shadow and light and all of it. Right. Like, obviously it's not the ideal emotional container, and yet it also sparked you to, like, start becoming strong and independent.
[00:06:52] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: And responsible. Way too young. But I'm guessing, because I know humans pretty well and myself included, that, you know, if we kind of have to. Whether, you know, in psychology, we call it developmental delay, if someone, like, doesn't grow at their natural pace of their bio age, and the other side of it is having to grow up faster than your bio age, in either of those scenarios, there's usually some kind of repercussions, some kind of kickback that happens sooner than later. So what was that like?
[00:07:23] Speaker D: Yeah, we definitely nailed that because, you know, starting to work really young, I was always really shy. I was very shy as a girl, very sensitive.
And so I got into sales super young. My first job was at a French Connection store. I don't know if you remember those t shirts. The FCUKs.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. FCUK.
[00:07:42] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: It could be easily misinterpreted.
[00:07:44] Speaker D: So I ended up becoming their bestseller really quickly because I loved having people open up to me, and I never felt comfortable opening up about myself back then.
So it kind of Started getting me out of my shell and just seeing how I really love connecting with people.
But in that even though I was doing well, you know, providing for myself at a very young age, I had to drop out of college and I fell into the wrong crowd. And I ended up using substances to cope with, obviously the loss of my father that I never actually had the time to process.
[00:08:20] Speaker A: Not to mention probably some levels of just feeling pressure. Right. Like, it's a lot of pressure to have all that at 17.
[00:08:27] Speaker D: Absolutely.
[00:08:27] Speaker A: Okay, so. So mal. Maladaptive behaviors came in with substances. And how did that work out?
[00:08:35] Speaker D: Well, I couldn't handle my drinking, I couldn't handle alcohol, but I was suppressing what I was feeling, that deep pain that I had in my heart. So because I would. I would black out, Right. I ended up having a huge dependence on drugs to be able to cope with the drinking and suppress the emotions that wanted to come through and they were coming out sideways. So from the age of, I would say 17 into 24, I fell deep into a hole of addiction, a really difficult time in my life.
And I know you have a background in addiction, so I'm not sure if you want to maybe touch on that or go deeper on that here.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. Yeah. I'd be honest. I have a background of my own period of substance abuse, and I also have a background as becoming an addiction specialist, intervention, TV show, all that stuff.
Yeah, I think that always, even as I hear you talking about it, you know, challenge with addiction, just reminding, like, I always love to say addiction is not a disease, it's a dis. Ease. And there's stuff that's not at ease inside of us. And so that's why we're dissing ourselves.
And. And so, yeah, I just want to offer that to you quickly. Just so human moment of compassion and empathy that obviously that was not the greatest choice to. To go into that. And yet with an absent father and the high pressures of basically having to be a second mother to your other siblings, like, I can understand why there was some things not at ease within you at that time. Right.
[00:10:06] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: I'm also wondering too, if you're open to sharing it just as. As that, you know, using substances escape.
Is it because you had had to grow up so fast and be so responsible. I'm assuming that maybe when the substances are that period, you're also maybe a bit more wild or you've had enough of being responsible.
[00:10:27] Speaker D: Is that fair?
Yes.
Yes, for sure. I mean, you know, at that point I was working in the Night scene in Montreal. So it was one of those things too, where I got in, I got immersed into that life. Right. So I started working in very high profile nightclubs out there. Mafia run, you know. So I got myself into some interesting situations, for sure.
Yeah. And I mean, it was fun at one point, right. What I thought was fun when I was 18, 19 years old, but when the drugs really took hold, it just became about that. Right. And what that became about, which is a complete disconnection from my emotional self, from my. From my spiritual self. I had absolutely no concept of connecting to something higher than me, something grander than me. And I had no other way to regulate my nervous system or, you know, the. The emotional pain that I was still really feeling.
So I think in learning that, I actually left Montreal, my nervous system. And this is when we talk about the body. Right. My body did for me what I could not do for myself at that time. So it got me out of a very dangerous situation that I ended up in for many different reasons and moved to Mexico.
[00:11:44] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:11:45] Speaker D: And I'll tell you about that age was that roughly day I was 23 when I moved to Mexico. One suitcase, $2,000.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:11:52] Speaker D: I'm like, I'm just getting out of here. I had no plan.
I went with a girlfriend of mine. But what I knew for sure was that I needed to change my life and I needed to start coming back to myself and I needed to stop drinking and using. At the time, I didn't know how I was going to do it.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: But you had a mission, you had a vision.
[00:12:08] Speaker D: I just. I knew I needed to leave the environment that I was in. And the first thing for me was let me get into nature. I needed to be by the water.
[00:12:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
And sun, all those beautiful things. Right.
[00:12:20] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Super helpful.
[00:12:21] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the first step. We call it the geographical. Obviously I got myself out of a very dangerous situation to find some peace, but it was only when I actually started going deeper, and we can share a little bit more about that, how I found recovery and community, which really helped change my life and my connection to something greater than as well, that started turning things around. So, yeah, I mean, it's. It's a journey.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: It is a journey and it's usually not pretty for any of us, at least not all the time.
So. Wow. No, thank you. First and foremost for just being so vulnerable and honest and open about, you know, tough, tough challenges that.
[00:12:57] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: That you went through. And I feel like. Yeah. Some of the quick insights there beyond just recognizing addiction is also a dis ease is that, you know, I just want to reflect and have empathy for that 23 year old Danielle of already so much had happened and like what courage it must have taken to just leave it all behind and go to Mexico with $2,000 in your pocket and prayer. Right.
That's pretty powerful. Pretty powerful. And to me that's also another Lead with Heart moment. Even though at that point you're not a corporate exec, you're not running any business, you're not a boss of something, but there's a style of leadership in there that is you took leadership in your own life.
Right. And that came from a deep place of courage.
[00:13:43] Speaker D: Thank you for that.
[00:13:44] Speaker A: I want to acknowledge that and honor you for that.
[00:13:47] Speaker D: Thank you for that, Jesse.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And thank you again for being so vulnerable on this and opening up to who you were. We are going to take a quick break, Danielle, when we get back. Stay tuned. We're going to learn more about Danielle's continuation of her story and who she's becoming and all the great vulnerability within there. So stay tuned on Lead with Heart. I'm Jesse Hansen.
We'll be right back with more insights,
[00:14:16] Speaker E: stories and practices to help you lead from your whole self. This is Lead with Heart on NOW Media Television.
Leadership isn't just about decisions.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: It's about presence, compassion and courage.
[00:14:32] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson, somatic psychologist and healer.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: And on Lead with Heart we explore what happens when we lead with awareness, compassion and the body in mind.
From brain health to relational intelligence, from
[00:14:46] Speaker E: trauma informed leadership to embodied teams, each episode reveals a deeper way to lead.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: Lead with Heart is airing now on
[00:14:55] Speaker E: NowMedia TV because the greatest leaders don't
[00:14:58] Speaker A: just guide people, they awaken them.
And we're back.
[00:15:04] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson and you're watching Lead with Heart on NOW Media Television. Let's continue embracing leadership with presence and purpose.
[00:15:13] Speaker A: I'm back here with Danielle. So excited to have you here. You started us off right away into the depths of your shadows and a tough childhood and substance abuse, abuse and then this moment of courage to say I'm going to Mexico.
So help us learn from here what happens in your journey there. How do you keep growing and maybe tumbling again before the next growth?
[00:15:39] Speaker D: I mean, Mexico changed my life. I've been living in Mexico for 15 years now.
So when I got there, I was very young. Like I said, I was 23 years old. And I tried to find different community. I tried to stop drinking and using drugs on my own at that time. So I went about a year of trying to stay abstinent and with no support. I had a beautiful young man in my life at the time, whose still a really close brother of mine, Andres. I love him so much. He's my family.
Hi, Andres.
But he.
He really helped me get on track at a time that I really needed it. He was somebody that, you know, had never touched a drug in his life, super healthy, very successful at work, and it was everything that I wanted to be at that time. And I knew I had it in me because when we have those positive projections, it's everything that I had in myself that I had not claimed yet.
So I deeply wanted that for myself
[00:16:33] Speaker A: at a soul level, you knew there was so much more to you.
[00:16:36] Speaker D: Absolutely. And I was very strong and resilient, you know, had come through quite a bit. And I was eager to change, you know, I was really eager to change, and so I did it on my own. Him and I were in a relationship for about six years, but up until that point, about a year in, I had another fall and I relapsed into my old behaviors.
And so I knew at that time it was actually, I think I was telling you this earlier, was Valentine's Day 2013, where I made the call to my first mentor.
That day, I was in a support group for many years. I still am, which we could talk about if you'd like to touch on. But it was the day I called her to ask for help because I knew I couldn't do it by myself,
[00:17:19] Speaker A: with humility, vulnerability, that it takes to ask for help.
[00:17:23] Speaker D: And I had never asked for help in my life, you know, So I think for me to make that call was really challenging. But I knew that if I would lose a healthy relationship with someone that I loved because of the issues that I was having with drugs and alcohol, I would never forgive myself. So I really wanted to step up. I really wanted to change.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:46] Speaker D: And take radical responsibility, which is something that we can talk about. But when we start looking at changing those types of behaviors, that radical responsibility and self love and self compassion is huge. And openness, you know, to being teachable
[00:18:01] Speaker A: and accountable, that even if this sucks in my childhood or whatever, I still made the choices that I made, right?
[00:18:07] Speaker D: Yes, absolutely.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:18:09] Speaker D: So in that I actually got into a beautiful support group. I was surrounded by some incredible, incredible humans that really just helped me come back to myself, you know. And I remember my first meeting, my first support group meeting, I saw this woman who is actually, you know, still my mentor today. Her name Is Wendy just had this beautiful spark in her eye. She just had this glimmer of peace in her eye. And I just looked at her and I was like, that's what I want. I don't know what that is, but that's what I want. And it was such a connection to source. Right. That I, you know, higher power, God, call it whatever you you want. I was incapable at the time of connecting to something greater than me.
[00:18:51] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:18:52] Speaker D: And so it was through getting into, you know, support groups and service, service work, that I was able to start connecting. Because for me, I'm such a grounded human that the intangibility of the unseen, of faith, it was really hard for me to connect to.
But when I was in service and I was able to do good in the world and help others, I was able to feel that connection, that connection that I was looking for.
So. Which started my journey on of service, of building community, of helping others as well. And that was all in my personal life.
[00:19:31] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Because professionally, what's happening you at this point?
[00:19:36] Speaker D: Professionally, I was building a real estate business at the time. So I was actually very successful building a company with a very good friend of mine still, her name is Sophia.
And we built an incredible, an incredible real estate agency together. So we were working with pretty high level developers in the Tulum area. So we did that for a long time. But I had two different parts, parts of myself.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: Yeah. That wasn't the most important.
[00:20:02] Speaker D: There was a disconnect. Yeah, there was a disconnect there.
So, you know, although I loved it and her and I had, you know, a really great time and we were doing financially very well.
I was really pushing myself at high levels.
My soul wasn't connected to what I was doing. Right. It was kind of a means to an end in a way.
So I had all my, my spiritual work and my, my soul work, my service work, all the deep addiction recovery and trauma healing work I was doing
[00:20:28] Speaker A: that was separate from almost everything else.
[00:20:31] Speaker D: Yeah. I was doing it for the community as my fulfillment. So I'm like, okay, I'll get my fulfillment and my purpose by helping others over here. And I do this because to me it was so disconnected.
And over here I'll build an amazing company.
[00:20:48] Speaker A: But kind of like, as you say,
[00:20:49] Speaker D: no bridge, the reflection.
[00:20:51] Speaker A: Like you said, I do this over here and it's the disconnected to this. As you said that. I was like, oh yeah, that's still awesome. Like, it's amazing that you built a real estate business. It's amazing that you've Created from that and see it from that ripple effect of, you know, feeling disconnected early in your life. Right. That here it is that theme continuing through where it's like I'm doing things but it's still in a disconnected way. It's. It's a lot healthier, thank goodness. You know, in recovery and all that.
But still that, that pursuit of needing to build the life where you feel connected not just over here, but ideally most of the time.
So, okay, so you're doing that, the real estate thing, but you're also having your own awakening. You've been now like a lot of years in recovery or sobriety with one, one major slip up. That was really a wake up call to be like what's really important in this life.
[00:21:40] Speaker D: Absolutely right.
[00:21:42] Speaker A: So help us understand then from there how do things keep progressing and, and you know, as I intro to you, I talk about senses and all of that. So at some point. Right. The, the healer within you starts to realize that's. That's who you really are. That's what you want or. Yeah. Help me understand how, how that all.
[00:22:01] Speaker D: Well, the pole. The pull was very strong and this happened to me twice and I turned it down twice before.
So it's, it took me down the, the calling. The call.
I did.
So the first time I was just. I had such a deep heart calling to do this work, my deeper healing work full time.
But something in me felt like that work was so sacred that I did not want to tarnish it with building a business around it.
I didn't want to at the time. This was my thought process. Right. I didn't want to. Want to ruin it.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:41] Speaker D: By making it a business because it was so pure for me.
But the call was so strong that I actually ended up leaving that business partnership, which was quite devastating because her and I were very good friends and we're great friends today. We mended that. Which is beautiful.
But I, I left that business after three years because I wanted to get into my healing work and personal development work. I didn't quite know what that looked like at the time, but I took a year off. So I went traveling. I went to Bali, I went to. I mean I was all over the world in Thailand. I just took some time. Costa Rica, exploring. Yeah. And just kind of seeing how it was going to come together.
But Covid hit after that, soon after that, and I ended up actually living in Costa Rica for two years. I was telling you about that.
[00:23:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:26] Speaker D: And.
And got into a difficult spot, you know, financially. I wasn't the time to put financial strain on building a healing business at the time.
So I ended up building another business. I ended up building an interior design business instead because I was always very
[00:23:46] Speaker A: creative homes or the buildings to now designing them on the inside.
[00:23:50] Speaker D: Yes. And I actually was a very successful interior design firm. So I went from Costa Rica, moved back to Tulum Playa del Carmen area and had a successful design company there for three and a half years, which was amazing. And I did the same thing. I ended up leaving the partnership to follow my calling because I wanted to do my healing work. So it was a pattern that kept coming up.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:12] Speaker D: And I hurt two friendships because of that.
The second one we haven't mended, but that was meant to. That was meant to go our separate ways.
But when something's so much deeper is calling, I had to listen, follow the path.
Yeah.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: And at this point, right. You are like, obviously you've sort of mastered the arc of recovery. Like you admitted, there's a slip in there. But in other words, the challenges you're facing at that point are no longer what you were facing in adolescence. It's more around who am I, where's my purpose? And ultimately at this point, you're asking like, how do I start to build a business that is soulful?
[00:24:53] Speaker D: There's part of that. I had my purpose already.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: Right, okay. But you're doing it on over there.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: Yes, exactly. Over here.
So I had my purpose. I knew what it was. Again, it's been so deep and so embodied in me. Right. I just didn't know what that would look like because again, I didn't want to ruin the sacredness and the purity of it because I had been doing this work as a service commitment my whole life.
But I knew I wanted to go that direction. So I tried on my own here and there. Had a tremendous amount of studies. I think, as you know as well. I'm always studying, always going deeper into this type of work.
But I didn't just want to be a sole facilitator.
I didn't just want to be. I didn't want to work online. I'm very much human to human connection. I love to be in person.
And so I really wanted to build something bigger. I didn't just want to be, you know, a somatic practitioner or just working with addiction or just working with trauma. I wanted to build something where I could gather, community where I can.
Well, I don't know where to go with this. This is so much around senses that I. That I could bring forward. But I don't know if we're on time soon.
[00:26:01] Speaker A: We will. But no, no, but absolutely. Yeah, but no. The idea of realizing like not only you knew you wanted to bring that healing work forward, but you knew you didn't want to do it the most standardized way, which is one on one sessions virtually or whatever.
So you're now visualizing how do I do something bigger, scalable, bringing communities together.
[00:26:19] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:26:19] Speaker A: But all of this is and for our viewers, just really check in with that, like to think back to Danielle's origin story. So think back what you shared about where you came from in the hard years. And leaving, you know, leaving Your home at 23 with $2,000, like, takes a lot of courage.
[00:26:34] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: It takes a lot of courage. So I see all that as beautiful. And yeah, when we get back from this break, we are going to hear a lot more about senses and we're also going to be talking deeper to Danielle about how she has alchemized all that crap into fertilizer, how she has turned her life around. So please stay tuned here on Lead with heart.
We'll be right back with more insight
[00:27:00] Speaker E: stories and practices to help you lead from your whole self.
This is Lead with Heart on NOW Media Television.
Leadership isn't just about decisions.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: It's about presence, compassion and courage.
[00:27:17] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson, somatic psychologist and healer.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: And on Lead with Heart we explore what happens when we lead with awareness,
[00:27:24] Speaker E: compassion and the body in mind.
[00:27:28] Speaker A: From brain health to relationship intelligence, from
[00:27:30] Speaker E: trauma informed leadership to embodied teams, each episode reveals a deeper way to lead.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: Lead with Heart is airing now on
[00:27:39] Speaker E: NOW Media tv because the greatest leaders
[00:27:42] Speaker A: don't just guide people, they awaken them.
And we're back.
[00:27:48] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson and you're watching Lead with Heart on Now Media Television. Let's continue embracing leadership, presence and purpose.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: Hello. We are here on lead with heart. I'm your host, Dr. Jesse Hansen, and we are going to continue this conversation with Danielle today. And this segment is all about the lotus. It's about learning how to create transformation consciously and intentionally. And I know you have to have done this because you've shared with us from the origins of what you've been through. And we're getting a clearer and clearer sense of what your life looks like like now.
So some of the key things you brought up, obviously the abandonment from dad is huge. I would love to know. Yeah. How, how have you worked to help yourself heal from that over the years? You mentioned he was just with you in Los Cabos. So Obviously, repair has happened, but. Yeah, yeah, what, what is the. The story there and the wisdom in it?
[00:28:40] Speaker D: You know, it's interesting because of course it was my dad. But if I think about recovery in general as a whole, what my recovery and the community and the deep work that I've done in that has changed everything about my life.
From how I show up and take radical self responsibility for my side of the street.
[00:29:01] Speaker A: Good.
[00:29:02] Speaker D: To mending relationships, looking at expectations, looking at, you know, resentments. Again, how do I show up in these dynamics? Right. Like really looking at the sides of things that are not easy to look at. I think when you start taking accountability for your healing and you start taking responsibility, it drastically changes your life and you're able to find deep emotional freedom. You know, we were talking about embodiment earlier. When we look at somatics specifically, the reason why I was so called to this type of work is because I was so always so deeply connected to my emotional self, my emotional body. Even at times, there's a bug here, even when I was suppressing with substances, you know, connecting to the emotional body helps me connect to my truth.
And finding recovery within that helps me get closer and closer to myself every day. You know, it's like an unshedding of all the different things that are not you. I don't know if that makes sense. Sense.
[00:30:06] Speaker A: But of course, yeah, I know it's
[00:30:08] Speaker D: coming back to the essence of. Of who you are. Right. And I think that embodiment work for me and when we start looking at trauma, Right. All the fragmented parts, you know, and coming back to wholeness and that.
[00:30:21] Speaker A: So, yeah, circling it back to kind of where we open this with, particularly with. With dad means that, yeah, by young age, not only like the influence of alcoholism, but then him leaving created a. What I call the crazy kids, but you know, a younger self who was holding all that pain.
And obviously you already shared how you kind of acted out around that pain.
What. Yeah, what can you say? Either whether it's like current to today, even from the recent visit with him, or back. Yeah. How have you shepherded that, that 15 year old to help find more peace there?
[00:30:58] Speaker D: You know, I think what's helped me a lot, Jesse, in that loss, in that abandonment, I became extremely hyper dependent. Independent.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: Independent. Yeah, hyper independent.
[00:31:07] Speaker D: Hyper independent.
[00:31:08] Speaker A: Independent.
[00:31:09] Speaker D: Very difficult for me to ask for help because I was on my own super young. Right. So at 16, 17 years old, taking care of myself.
So to receive help specifically from the masculine was always very challenging for me because I could do it all on my own. Right. I don't need anybody to help me. I didn't want to be a burden on my. On my mom, for example, who had two little ones to take care of. So I was like, I'll just take care of myself, no problem. Right. So I think in that throughout the years, I've needed to deepen in learning to receive, which has been huge.
And I've had layers and layers and layers of that.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: And I can attest to that, too. I know that, you know, for example, for, like, my mom wounds, there's ways in which I can have interactions with either it might be a romantic partner, or it could be a female friend, colleague, whatever. But I. I'm hearing what you're saying is partly. Yeah, even just by maybe some romantic relationships, but friendships, professional relationships, but by letting yourself be seen and. And received by other men.
[00:32:12] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Probably is part of. Right. Part of how you helped yourself or helping yourself heal that dad wound.
[00:32:18] Speaker D: Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I think. And, you know, I had a really big lesson when I lived in Costa Rica, where I had to start receiving support from my partner then at the time, from my father, who mended that at the time. This is throughout Covid.
And I think I mentioned community as well. So that in itself, you know, I really started to see, like, wow, how challenging it is for me to be seen in vulnerability, to be seen in needing support, to be seen in needing help. I had done that willingly in, you know, looking at substance abuse, but on the deeper layers, and we start looking at workaholism and the deeper layers of how addiction can unfold.
Those layers were really striking to me, for sure. How much value I put on, you know, how I show up in the world, my performance.
[00:33:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:09] Speaker D: You know, status, how much money I'm making, what I'm doing. Right. So there was a shadow side of, you know, how I was showing up in work that a lot of my value was on that, which is why I didn't want to connect it to that healing work, because that wasn't fully resolved yet. Right.
[00:33:24] Speaker A: So not only that, probably even though you, you know, you love, like, enjoyed it, you knew it wasn't fully aligned with your sole purpose. Right. So that's why it's like, well, this is what I do you to, like, survive or money. This is what really matters.
[00:33:37] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:33:37] Speaker A: Right.
[00:33:38] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:33:38] Speaker A: No, it's. It's powerful what you're sharing, Danielle, in the sense of also just. Yeah. Like, I see this, obviously, a lot of rupture and challenges there younger. And now it's like this slow building. You're, you're majority sober outside of one slip of whatever. You've got all these different amazing jobs happening that many people would just be more than content with.
[00:33:59] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: But still you knew something deep down in your soul was calling you to keep building out this healing, healing side of you.
[00:34:06] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:34:08] Speaker A: Can you talk to us about what has happened in that process for you? Just around. Yeah. Like the deepening into. I know, like senses. You use the word somatic in the title, so. And some of our viewers, they might even know what somatic really means, so maybe even weaving that in. But yeah, just why is that so important to you? And what have you personally experienced experience that gives it value?
[00:34:27] Speaker D: You know, Jesse, to be at the stage of my life now where I'm actually fully in this work is I wake up so excited every day to do this work.
[00:38:33] Speaker A: We'll be right back with more insight
[00:38:36] Speaker E: stories and practices to help you lead from your whole self.
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Leadership isn't just about decisions.
[00:38:49] Speaker A: It's about presence, compassion and courage.
[00:38:53] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson, somatic psychologist and healer.
[00:38:56] Speaker A: And on Lead with Heart we explore what happens when we lead with awareness, compassion and the body in mind.
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[00:39:06] Speaker E: trauma informed leadership to embodied teams, each episode reveals a deeper way to lead.
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[00:39:19] Speaker A: people, they awaken them.
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[00:39:24] Speaker E: I'm Dr. Jesse Hanson and you're watching Lead with Heart on Now Media Television. Let's continue embracing leadership with presence and purpose.
[00:39:33] Speaker A: And hello. Welcome back to Lead with Heart. In this final segment, we are going to be diving into the wisdom around all the vulnerability that Danielle has been sharing with us so far.
In particularly, I want to highlight even just your new company called Senses, which is a somatic experience kind of place. I thought it'd be good to just start this segment with a little bit of background for people to understand what is even somatic. So I'll speak on it briefly. Please chime in. Anywhere you see the word soma means body in Latin. And so it really is this relatively new construct in the psychology world where instead of most traditional psychology is all about analytical and cognitive. And so it's called top down. Right. It's like if I can just think the right thing, if I can have that affirmation, the mantra, whatever it is. And obviously there is value in that and it helps.
However, what happens when you bring the body into the picture and you think of coming information that can come from bottom up. Oh, wow, I have a headache. Is that random? Or maybe I've been thinking too much or maybe I've been holding my jaw so tight because I'm a control freak and that temporomandibular joint tension is equaling muscular tension in my head. So I have a headache. The idea was somatic psychology and somatic problems. Practices that Danielle's going to go into more in a minute here is not just bottom up, not just, oh, like my body's saying this, so I do this. It's the perfect blend of top down, bottom up information.
So I want to be able, in terms of being a somatic practitioner, I want to be able to help people learn how to take what they know in their head, bring it into their body, and learn how to sort of fish or touch into what they feel in their body and bring it back up into their head so that it can be integrated into life.
And in a more practical sense, some of the most common somatic practices out there in the world are yoga, meditation, breathwork, dance even would qualify. So it's really anything we can do that gets us into our body.
And I would love your opinion on this, Danielle, because it's something I've been formulating in my own head for a while, is that just because I'm going to yoga doesn't mean I'm in body.
And here's the reason why.
If I'm still going to yoga and thinking about I'm working out my machine or it's just something I do, I would argue that's not embodied. It's still a great thing to do and it's healthy and go for it. But the key of embodiment is really recognizing, wow, all my emotions live in here. And so even why are my hamstrings so tight? It's not just because I'm a guy. It's because I spend a lot of times being programmed, as most men are, to like, try to control. Control everything, right? And so as I'm practicing yoga, I'm not just thinking about the body moves. I'm thinking about the emotional content. I'm thinking about the memories, the pain that I've had in certain body parts. And it is that inner player that's starting to befriend the body, starting to create our bodies as actual intelligent parts of us is for me, that's the shift where we move from working out or exercising into embodiment.
So I'd love to know, yeah, how if that resonates with you or not, how you see it, how does this play into senses, you know, I love
[00:42:40] Speaker D: that so much, Jesse, and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I really appreciate that so much.
So Census is the Somatic therapy consultation space. So it's my consultation space most afternoons and we offer pop up events for the community for emotional integration, more nervous system care, and just reconnecting to themselves in safety. So we have a space that's really beautifully set, very safe foundation for people to come in as they are. Design it. I did design it myself.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: This has got to be amazing.
[00:43:12] Speaker D: Yes. I think primarily what I really wanted to create was something where people could come in as themselves.
A place where people could come in and feel that they could actually be witnessed, you know, And I think that to me is the foundation as well for somatic work, especially my one on one practice to be able to hold space for people with loving kindness and compassion, with safety, where they're able to actually start to open.
You know, when we start looking at what happens in the body and the contractions that people tend to hold. Right. The holdings.
[00:43:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:45] Speaker D: When they actually are able to be witnessed and can express themselves in a way that feels, feels comfortable and safe at their own rhythm, at their own pace. It's just absolutely beautiful what could unfold for them.
[00:43:57] Speaker A: I love you said the word safety.
Personally, I agree with that. But that is actually all over the neuroscience research now. Trauma processing is the number one variable is.
[00:44:06] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:44:06] Speaker A: Safety. We don't feel safe. Not much is gonna rewire. Right?
[00:44:11] Speaker D: Absolutely. And I think that's why all the practices that we have as well, it's always very clear. It's a trauma informed, specific space. And come as you are and your body will move at its own rhythm. You know, it's not performative. It really is. How does your body want to express?
How do the emotions want to come through? Right. So I think in that we have beautiful experiences for people to just see what wants to happen. And a lot of the time a little bug here.
Some, some people can be quite intimidated by that as well. Right.
[00:44:38] Speaker A: Vulnerable.
[00:44:39] Speaker D: It's vulnerable.
[00:44:40] Speaker A: Vulnerable. It's like, wait, I just came here to work out, get my movement in. Why am I crying now?
[00:44:44] Speaker D: It's vulnerable. So it's, you know, it's. It's definitely.
The word is starting to spread, which is really beautiful because again, when there's a little bit of fear in coming into places like this. Right. I think you and I both know when you lean into that edge is when the magic happens, you know. And so again we have the, the one on one consultations with me which go deeper into that trauma revolution processing. But then we have, you know, classes like the somatic yoga, which is a really beautiful foundational practice to start reconnecting to the breath, reconnecting to movement, nervous system care, the transformational breath work, which is with me, which tend to be deeper emotional releases. Those are powerful practices as well. Breath work is, you know, foundational.
And then we have dance therapy as well, which is an interesting class because you'd be surprised how few people feel comfortable just dancing, dancing in general, but even just moving their body to a rhythm and forget even mentioning emotional expression. Right. But once they start actually getting into it, it's quite beautiful to see the freedom that they feel afterwards.
And we've had some really interesting new workshops come through as well. So we have, you know, some qigong coming in. We're starting to do wellness programming as well. Which Lane Obey.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: Oh, nice.
[00:46:02] Speaker D: By Auber's collection as well. So we're starting to bring somatic therapy and somatic wisdom into like wellness tourism.
[00:46:10] Speaker A: Wellness tourism. Yeah, yeah.
[00:46:12] Speaker D: Wellness tourism settings, which is really beautiful.
[00:46:13] Speaker A: I want to jump in real quick on, on this thing. Like, I love that what I'm hearing is like you're creating a brand with senses that if I'm looked at senses website and then come I already am sort of prepared or prime to know I might cry and not. I don't mean that that bluntly but just meaning it's so different than so much other movement studios. It's like you're coming here to work out and you are going to get that at senses. But I also love as a psychologist and just a human being that you're creating that in the culture and in the branding of what you're doing.
[00:46:46] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:46:46] Speaker A: And I also love. I can testify I've led large and small groups of breath work and sound healing and all that a lot of my LA life. And so many times that people are profoundly surprised at how deep it's going or memories like traumatic memories flood or all of a sudden they're crying or laughing or screaming or whatever. And yet even though I. I know all this stuff, this was a much younger me but it's not part of the culture. It's not. So it's almost just like this thing, that weird thing that happened or oh my gosh. Or is people judging me versus what I'm hearing you're doing. Not only are are you creating a culture and a brand that supports the emotional processes involved with movements and practices like that. But you're also offering within the same location someone like yourself who can be like, oh, wow, you didn't realize that was going to happen. No problem, I got you. Yeah, let's make an appointment for tomorrow and, or right now or whatever. And actually giving them a place to properly process that, that touches me a lot as a clinician and as a person in this industry for 25 years because that is rare. And as you know, most of the market is simply yoga, mindfulness, wellness based, which is great. Do it. But what you're bringing in is super unique and awesome.
[00:47:59] Speaker D: Thank you so much. And that means so much to me coming from you, Jesse. And you know that I respect you so much in this industry, in this field, you know, your pioneer.
So it's, it means the world to me to be sitting here with you today and just share, sharing, you know, what we're creating. And I think the safety is again, foundational.
Having people feel welcome to come as they are, you know, and that sets the tone. Right. When you're just loved and not judged and you're able to be in a space where you feel compassion for yourself and from someone else can change your life. It really changed mine, you know, when I started my journey. So. So yeah, so we just, we love that people are coming. A lot of the brothers in the community are starting to come too, which means the world to me.
[00:48:40] Speaker A: You're getting men? You're getting men to come?
[00:48:42] Speaker D: Yes. A lot of women have been coming and a lot of the brothers in the community have been coming. They've been loving the breath work and some of the deeper work as well. So that's been huge for me to get some men in there because it's important for me.
[00:48:53] Speaker A: Yeah. With your history that you shared, that's even more meaningful. Right? Just building safe connections with men.
[00:48:59] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:48:59] Speaker A: Wow. No, it's so exciting. And I feel like too, excuse me, with.
I. I can tell you as well that it's just so refreshing to think of even like the way you're branding. Okay. This is what we do at senses. That's part of safety. Right. Is knowing like I'm going into this place and like it's going to be okay if I have an emotional experience that's they got me and other people going know that they got you. I also will tell you that it's so refreshing to hear you've got men coming because I am very often either the only guy or one of like two guys in all the different trainings, the last 25 years of my life, and I've just been, you know, praying, begging, wanting more men to step up and realize, like, we need to become more emotionally intelligent.
And it takes practice, and you got to put yourself into scenarios that are out of your comfort zone, you know? So I'm just so grateful that you're creating a beautiful playground like that for. For men and women. And I want to make sure, just because we are getting close to terrific wrapping here. Danielle, if people want to keep in touch with you and learn more about what you're doing, let them know. How do they find you?
[00:50:01] Speaker D: Yes. So you can find
[email protected] that's my website, and we're on Instagram at Senses Baja. You could also find me at. I am Danielle Parry as well.
[00:50:11] Speaker A: Awesome.
[00:50:12] Speaker D: Yes, awesome.
[00:50:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. It's. It's amazing stuff. If you guys please do check out what she's doing, it's incredible. And I also just want to bring one more. One more point of wisdom home here. But before we wrap, which is that coming back to the whole theme of the show, but the. The theme of vulnerability, and not only, like, everything you've shared today, to be vulnerable to myself and the world, but also this theme of I feel like what you're doing with Senses is you found a way to do not only do what you love and give it back, but things that you know have helped you and continue to help you is you're paying it forward that way.
[00:50:44] Speaker D: Absolutely.
[00:50:45] Speaker A: And you kept coming back to, like, the power of sense service. And that is something that even in ancient wisdom, the word is seva.
S E V A And seva translates to selfless service. And that was considered not only the highest form of karmic rebalancing, things that we may have messed up on, it helps rebalance our karma, but also it's considered an act of a more enlightened person or further on the path. Even in AA, the 12 step is giving back, right? And ancient world, the seventh chakra, the divinity, is like we are now raining lotus petals down on everyone around us. And so I just want to acknowledge I see that in you. To me, that is what leadership's about. Even if you're not running a hundred thousand person employee, 100,000 employees business, like, you are a leader and you're leading with heart. And I see you and I appreciate you, and I can't wait to see where census goes and what comes next. So thank you. Thank you so much for being on the show today. It means the world down to Costa Rica.
[00:51:42] Speaker D: It's amazing.
And I'm going to. I'm going to keep that visual with me of the lotus just kind of falling onto how stunning lotus blossoms blossom. I love that. I love that so much. It's been such a pleasure to be here, Jesse. Thank you for having me. My honor, thank you for being a part of the journey.
[00:51:59] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely.
[00:52:00] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:52:01] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you, everyone, for staying tuned here on Le with Heart. I'm your host, Dr. Jesse Hansen, signing off. Create a beautiful day, everyone.
